Tuesday - December 19, 2023

SCRIPTURE Ephesians 4:32- The words of the Apostle Paul “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.” --The words of Jesus, The Gospel of John 13:34 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” WORDS OF HOPE “Coming Out” When you grow up in a family, culture and religion that doesn’t accept you as you are, you learn adaptive strategy to survive. I was 43 years old when I came out to my wife of 14 years whom I genuinely loved. She knew I struggled with depression, anger and people-pleasing, and it was obvious that she was unhappy both in our relationship and her role as a pastor’s wife. There was no “other person,” no “boyfriend” or lover, but that didn’t make it any less painful. Betrayal trauma comes in many forms. 24 years earlier, when I was in college, I met with the campus psychologist and told him I thought I was gay. He minimized my feelings—my reality—and pointed out how greatly my life would change if I were to follow that path. I didn’t speak of it again. I knew that I was called to some type of helping profession and explored teaching, psychology, emergency medicine, and finally answered a spiritual calling to attend seminary. I sought ordination as a pastor in the United Methodist Church, the church where I had grown up and fallen in love with God. At my first full-time appointment as pastor, I fell in love with the sister of the youth minister. She was beautiful, creative, diligent and I knew we could make a life together. We dated briefly, I asked her to marry me, and we sought premarital counseling to better prepare. I told the pastoral psychotherapist what I had only hinted about to my fiancé, that I thought I was gay. He laughed and told me that I was not gay. He said that all men sometimes have those feelings and that I needed to stay the course. I knew that I was called to be a pastor, that I wanted a companion for life’s journey, and that I deeply desired to be a father. I was 29 when we married. Our first son was born 3 years later. A second son followed 4 years later. I immersed myself in my work and achievement—the family and cultural ethic I had learned well. The bishop appointed me to larger multi-staff, multi-campus congregations. At times I sacrificed my family’s happiness on the altar of “pastoral ministry.” Being a “dedicated pastor” meant interrupting family vacations to officiate a funeral or tend to a staff crisis. It was an absurd ranking that went: “God first, others second, family and self last.” As if God was pleased with neglect. I recall arriving home one Christmas day, exhausted from conducting 7 worship services in the span of 24 hours. I was greeted by an equally exhausted and irritable wife and two disappointed sons wondering why they had to wait to open their presents. Merry Christmas indeed! I came out to myself at the same time I came out to my wife. My family, culture, and religion all said that I couldn’t be gay and be a Christian pastor so I continued to suppress my reality and identity following our divorce. That would come out sideways in angry mood swings. Years later, I left parish ministry to open a counseling and consulting practice. I was outed to my bishop and forced to leave the United Methodist Church [which has since abolished the prohibition of homosexuality in ministry]. Welcomed by the United Church of Christ, I continue to serve as a clinical pastoral psychotherapist and guest pastor/speaker. October 11 is National Coming Out Day. Authenticity is vital to human development and genuine relationship, and it comes at a cost. Situations and circumstances can make adaptation necessary. Homosexuality is much more than merely sexual orientation. It is about identity, creativity, empathy, connection, expression and grace. Yet, homosexuality is still a felony in some countries. What is the penalty for crushing the human spirit? In God’s realm, which Christ proclaimed, there is room for all. May it be so. PRAYER Come, Holy Spirit. Open our hearts and minds to what you have been doing for millennia: Using the diversity of creation and expression to weave a rich tapestry of life and the human experience. Grant us the courage, faith, hope and love to live peaceably in the realm you’ve created. Amen. DEVOTION AUTHOR Rev. Dr. Gary Kindley Pastoral Psychotherapist drgk.org

READING “All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.” Elizabeth Gilbert WORDS OF HOPE Spoiler alert: This reflection gives away significant plot details for the film Moving On. As a fan of “Grace and Frankie,” I gravitated to the movie Moving On, a recent Netflix offering. Claire (Jane Fonda) and Evelyn (Lily Tomlin), were college classmates who have grown apart over the years and meet again at the funeral for Joyce, a mutual friend and Evelyn’s former roommate. From the beginning tension exists with Joyce’s husband Howard (Malcolm McDowell), tension that breaks through the surface when Claire cooly tells him that now that Joyce can’t be hurt by it, she intends to kill him. Her reasons for this radical act lie buried. It is but one of the secrets in the movie--secrets which have shaped who the central characters are, impacted their intimate relationships, and directed the course of their lives. Evelyn voices her secret early on when she makes an unscheduled tribute to Joyce at the wake and reveals that they were lovers during the end of their college days and shortly thereafter. Though both Howard and his daughter say this is a lie and mock her, Evelyn’s truth telling is a pick ax that chips away at a facade of their supposedly perfect marriage. Later, Evie tells Claire that she was married to a woman, Annette, but that she died soon after. Claire expresses a halting regret that she had not known the woman Evie loved, nor known of her sorrow. In the film Claire seems closed down, controlled, lacking affect. Even her former husband doesn’t know why she left him many years ago. As they renew some sense of closeness during the rituals of the weekend, she can only tell Ralph (Richard Roundtree) that something bad happened that made her mute and blind to everything good in her life. But she breaks off without exposing the secret that traumatized her. Only her therapist and Evie know the source of the pain and damage which still festers decades later. As the plot unfolds, however, she confronts Howard with the devastation of his drunken, violent rape of years ago. Like many abusers, he denies the act. The deep wounding of the long-held trauma erupts in Claire’s relentlessness to hold Howard accountable and punish him. Ten-year-old James, the grandson of one of the other residents of Evie’s assisted living facility, also holds a secret—perhaps even from himself. When his parents come to visit, he is left to his own devices and finds a safe haven with Evie who is a counter balance to the grandfather who wants to teach him how to play ball and shoot a gun and thinks there is something wrong with him. She has discerned that this child is at least a softer, artistic boy who enjoys playing dress up in Evie’s clothing. The gift of a pair of sparkly rhinestone clip-on earrings delights him, but her tender affirmations are even more affecting. A later scene demonstrates his parents’ anger at Evie’s influence on James, but she stands her ground saying that she wishes she were his grandmother—that she would bake him cookies and tell him every day how perfect he is. Tears rimming his eyes are the only reply. Though we do not have any indication that James understands what gender fluidity is—he does know that the way he is fearfully and wonderfully made is not like the stereotypes into which his family tries to force him. Of all the moments in the movie, this one was most poignant for me—perhaps because so many of us who are gay would have given anything for someone to hold our faces in their hands, look lovingly into our eyes, and say, “You are perfect, just as you are.” And I pray that someone will do that for our young people so that their lives do not have to be lived in the shadow of secrecy. PRAYER Oh God, to whom all hearts are known and from whom no secrets are hid, heal us from the assaults to our dignity and personhood and hold us in your precious love forever. Amen DEVOTION AUTHOR  Dr. Pat Saxon

SCRIPTURE Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.  WORDS OF HOPE With Earth' s creation and the unfolding of the human experience, God saw great beauty and expanding potential for our loving relationship with the Holy One. The creative act endowed humanity with freedom of choice. According to the Book of Genesis, some individuals generally chose a lifestyle pattern which was compatible with divine hopes; while many more individuals ignored the opportunity to walk in the ways of God. Over many generations, disobedience and evil ways were chosen most often. From the descendants of the righteous man, Abraham, God chose to demonstrate the Divine's nature and purpose toward humanity. However, even those Israelites often failed to live according to God's desires. It was an era when so many were frightened and dismayed. Even with the threat of increasing sin, the creation was not to be abandoned by God. Creation would be redeemed. And from the family of Jesse, King David's father, would arise One who would restore humankind's relationship with God. Throughout the centuries, we have been given hope and courage by so many hymns that remind us of that truth. "Lo, how a Rose e'er blooming from tenderest stem hath sprung, of Jesse's lineage coming as saints of old have sung. It came a flower bright, amid the cold of winter, when half spent was the night. This flower, whose fragrance tender with sweetness fills the air, dispels with glorious splendor the darkness everywhere. True man but very God, from sin and death he saves.” -from a 16th-century German hymn. Do you remember this hymn by Bob McGee? "Emmanuel, Emmanuel, his name is called Emmanuel. God with us and revealed in us, his name is called Emmanuel." God continues to offer us this incredible, loving gift of Emmanuel to save us and draw us into close relationship with the Holy One. God in us, God with us and God to act through us. Because of this gift, our relationship with God may become intimate and eternally unbreakable. It is a gift of divine wisdom and presence to empower us to bless the world. What a fantastic gift which is freely offered to each of us by the loving Creator. Only one question remains... have you received this gift, opened it up and let the light of God motivate your life? PRAYER Almighty God, we give you thanks that you will sustain and guide us through uncertain periods of life. We can place complete trust in your constant presence and love in our lives. Strengthen us to obediently listen and respond to your voice. And may our confidence in your guidance allow us to comfort and help those around us who experience fear and need. Amen. DEVOTION AUTHOR Donald (Luke) Day Order of St Francis and St. Clare

SCRIPTURE Ephesians 4:32 Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you. WORDS OF HOPE With all of the violence that humanity is inflicting upon itself in today’s world, people are confused, hurting, and angry. We are left trying to figure out how to manage our heavy hearts and go forward as followers of Christ. The first step toward healing our hurting hearts and souls is forgiveness, something that may seem difficult at best if not near to impossible In light of all of the ugliness we are facing. The above passage from Ephesians, however, is clear that we should forgive both quickly and thoroughly. To do this, we must understand what forgiveness actually requires of us. We often hear the saying, “forgive and forget” as advice to move beyond hurt, trauma, and actions that are unjust. The forgiveness given to us by God in Christ does not ask us to forget. It asks only that we release from our hearts the desire for personal retribution. “Let go and let God.” Forgiveness does mean we endorse sinful behavior. It does not negate the natural consequences of one’s sinful actions. Forgiveness frees us from the burden of having anything to do with such consequences. That is all left to God. Offering forgiveness also does not mean that all of our feelings of hurt or anger will disappear. We don’t have this kind of control over our feelings. Rather, forgiving others is a way for us to responsibly manage our feelings. That said, it is not necessary to apologize for having them. Ultimately, forgiveness is love in action—love of self, love of neighbor, and love of God. The final stanza of the anthem “All the Beauty of the Lord” by Gwyneth Walker (based on text by Frederick William Faber) sums up these thoughts: “If we could love more simply, ever living by the Word, Then our lives would be enlightened with the mercy and the kindness, with the healing and forgiveness, with the sweetness and compassion, all the beauty of the Lord, all the beauty of the Lord!” PRAYER God of mercy and compassion, guide my heart to that place where I can forgive quickly and thoroughly. And in so doing may I come to truly know the power and meaning of your love. Amen. DEVOTION AUTHOR Kris Baker Order of St. Francis and St. Clare

SCRIPTURE Psalm 62:5 My soul, wait only upon God; for my expectation is from God WORDS OF HOPE Fall teaches us about expectations. In Texas every year we are filled with hope that September will bring us cooler weather (maybe lower 80's or something so we can enjoy outdoors in comfort). We long for September 22 to arrive and bring us Autumn that is longed for after our steamy summer! Those of us who have lived in Texas all our lives know better! But Facebook has made it worse. The beautiful fall pictures cause us to long for that coolness and beauty of Autumn. But we also fail to remember the reason we live in Texas is to keep us from suffering brutal winters in those places that have beautiful autumn scenes! Life's let downs are usually from expectations we have built up. Expectations can lead to disappointment, but it is important to remember that this is a natural human experience. Setting realistic expectations, managing our control, and avoiding comparisons, can minimize the likelihood of disappointment and embrace the unexpected turns of life. Expecting complete happiness is not realistic. But working on planting joy in our life and soul can sustain us when life brings circumstances that can dampen happiness. Maybe by the end of October or in November we will have some desirable temperatures. By December we may even have some days of pretty Autumn color! But by then our expectations will probably be focused on Christmas! So, enjoy the pictures on Facebook, if you can't take a fall leaf viewing tour! And remember why you live in the South! Try not to covet other areas’ weather! PRAYER  God of all good things, help us to be careful of our expectations! Help us find reality in our expectations! You bless us with so many things. Help us be more thankful. Help us enjoy the part of our world where we are! DEVOTION AUTHOR Jan Nunn