Thursday - October 9, 2025

READING

“All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.” Elizabeth Gilbert

WORDS OF HOPE

Spoiler alert: This reflection gives away significant plot details for the film Moving On.

As a fan of “Grace and Frankie,” I gravitated to the movie Moving On, a recent Netflix offering. Claire (Jane Fonda) and Evelyn (Lily Tomlin), were college classmates who have grown apart over the years and meet again at the funeral for Joyce, a mutual friend and Evelyn’s former roommate. From the beginning tension exists with Joyce’s husband Howard (Malcolm McDowell), tension that breaks through the surface when Claire cooly tells him that now that Joyce can’t be hurt by it, she intends to kill him. Her reasons for this radical act lie buried. It is but one of the secrets in the movie--secrets which have shaped who the central characters are, impacted their intimate relationships, and directed the course of their lives.

Evelyn voices her secret early on when she makes an unscheduled tribute to Joyce at the wake and reveals that they were lovers during the end of their college days and shortly thereafter. Though both Howard and his daughter say this is a lie and mock her, Evelyn’s truth telling is a pick ax that chips away at a facade of their supposedly perfect marriage. Later, Evie tells Claire that she was married to a woman, Annette, but that she died soon after. Claire expresses a halting regret that she had not known the woman Evie loved, nor known of her sorrow.

In the film Claire seems closed down, controlled, lacking affect. Even her former husband doesn’t know why she left him many years ago. As they renew some sense of closeness during the rituals of the weekend, she can only tell Ralph (Richard Roundtree) that something bad happened that made her mute and blind to everything good in her life. But she breaks off without exposing the secret that traumatized her. Only her therapist and Evie know the source of the pain and damage which still festers decades later. As the plot unfolds, however, she confronts Howard with the devastation of his drunken, violent rape of years ago. Like many abusers, he denies the act. The deep wounding of the long-held trauma erupts in Claire’s relentlessness to hold Howard accountable and punish him.

Ten-year-old James, the grandson of one of the other residents of Evie’s assisted living facility, also holds a secret—perhaps even from himself. When his parents come to visit, he is left to his own devices and finds a safe haven with Evie who is a counter balance to the grandfather who wants to teach him how to play ball and shoot a gun and thinks there is something wrong with him. She has discerned that this child is at least a softer, artistic boy who enjoys playing dress up in Evie’s clothing. The gift of a pair of sparkly rhinestone clip-on earrings delights him, but her tender affirmations are even more affecting.

A later scene demonstrates his parents’ anger at Evie’s influence on James, but she stands her ground saying that she wishes she were his grandmother—that she would bake him cookies and tell him every day how perfect he is. Tears rimming his eyes are the only reply. Though we do not have any indication that James understands what gender fluidity is—he does know that the way he is fearfully and wonderfully made is not like the stereotypes into which his family tries to force him.

Of all the moments in the movie, this one was most poignant for me—perhaps because so many of us who are gay would have given anything for someone to hold our faces in their hands, look lovingly into our eyes, and say, “You are perfect, just as you are.” And I pray that someone will do that for our young people so that their lives do not have to be lived in the shadow of secrecy.

PRAYER

Oh God, to whom all hearts are known and from whom no secrets are hid, heal us from the assaults to our dignity and personhood and hold us in your precious love forever. Amen

DEVOTION AUTHOR



Dr. Pat Saxon